Seventeen hours after signing our contract and home study, we received a call asking us to take two boys into care.  One was older than the age we said we felt appropriate for us - I suppose that's another post all together.  Still, there were a couple of things that made me wonder if they were supposed to come to live with us.  Things like an uncommon ethnicity for our area that is similar to ethnicities already in our home and a food allergy we already know how to handle.

I knew that I couldn't call my husband then let them know, because they can't wait.  These kids needed a home immediately and if you aren't sure, they move on to calling someone else.  Well, the person who called said, in response to my one question, "I can call so-and-so and get back to you."  Wow!, I thought, that gives me time to call my husband.  Amazing.  So, we lamented and prayed, wondering what was right.  We had discussed this exact age and gender scenario the night before and said it wouldn't work ... until the other factors came into play.  While waiting for a call, the kids and I dropped our lessons and ran around, locking the medicine and cleaning cabinets, picking up a bit, making sure outlet plugs hadn't been removed, and I threw in a load of laundry that I was planning to do that night.  Still no call back, so my husband called the person at the agency, waited for a return call, and then found that she had already placed the boys with someone else.

[Void].  That's kind of how it felt.  Had God made the decision for us while we just couldn't decide?  We really were not prepared for the older child, so it's probably best in the long run, but, boy, it was still a little sad.  I've been wondering whose home they went to and if we'll ever run into them.  I'm wanting to make sure the foster family knows everything about the food allergy, and generally, feeling responsible.  I know, I know, it was just a phone call.  I'm not good at saying no to kids in need, but they found a safe place right away.  I shouldn't worry.  I should stand with what we know is best for our family at this time, still, little hands and hearts can surely melt mine.  

I hope the phone rings again soon.  I don't even want to get in the shower, for fear of missing a call.  Guess then, they'd have to change that home study statement about me being "well groomed".  Maybe a laugh or two will help.

November 6, 2012.  The day we became licensed as a family foster home.  Wow!  After dropping the kids at a wonderful friends' home, we headed to the agency office to review our home study for any potential errors, and sign contracts.  

This is the fourth home study report about ourselves we have read, and they are always hilarious.  Really, it's so funny to read what the social worker gleaned from a few visits with you, and to see how they incorporate all the 'required' elements.  Social workers and physicians, alike, use the phrases "well groomed" and "nicely dressed" as ways of saying you aren't dirty and have the ability to keep a child relatively clean as it pertains to their health.  It's an important point, but it always makes me laugh.  I'm thinking, "You've never shown up at my house unannounced at 10am when I don't have to be anywhere until 12:30, have you?"  LOL!  We had a few great laughs as we spent 40 minutes reading and correcting typos, which branch of the military my father served through, spellings of family member's names, correct abbreviation for my home state, oh, and our vitals.  Yes, our heights, weights, colorings, etc. were switched.  I'm sure someone was looking at it thinking, wow, this woman is inches taller and pounds heavier than her husband and trying to picture us stretched or shrunk.  A funny sight came to mind for sure.

That complete, our home supervisor will make the changes, print out a final copy and file the final copy with DHS (who already has the unedited version).  I'm sure they'll get us a copy as well, for the funny file.  It's fun to show the kids what went on during the path to them.

We signed an education plan stating we will complete 20 hours of foster care specific training per year.  Our agency has 2 hours per month of education groups we can attend, so that's 24 if you can be there each month - child care provided.  (You're glad I helped you with that math, aren't you :-).  You can also do online training for a small fee at a specific website or do some approved reading.

Back to pick up the kids and home to cheer and cry over various election results.  Quite a day!

Eleven weeks and five days -- let's just say 12 weeks, ok?  

Twelve weeks, and we *finally* have an ok from the FBI and state BI saying that we are not criminals!  WooHoo!  I honestly was thinking this past week that it may never happen, that something unknown was in our path and we would never be certified.  I started to give up on hopes and dreams, both for us and for the children in our path.  The process is now rolling again, and God's timing is evident.  

Our report was sent to DHS and will be read and reviewed either tomorrow or next Thursday.  We have been assigned a home supervisor and need to meet with her to be sure there are no mistakes in our written report, sign education agreement plans saying we will have a minimum of 20 hours of foster care related education in the next year, and sign contracts.

After that, we carry a phone non-stop and wait for a call asking us to invite a child to our home to be cared for until a judge decides the location they will call home.  Here's to doing our best! 

We'll keep you posted!

This weekend, we participated in the Launch classes (12 hours).  This is typically the introduction prior to starting the content classes for foster parent training.  We initially met with the agency the day prior to the last launch, so had to wait for this one.   They allowed us to go ahead and attend the other classes, so we didn't have to wait until now to begin, and I am very glad.  I wish I would have had the energy to type a post right after the trainings.  At this point, I don't recall many of the specifics I would have liked to share, but will get them to share at some point.  The bottom line is this ... we are entering into missional foster care.  Our mission field is our own home.  Does this mean our goal is for religious conversions.  No.  Our goal is to love children and families because they are created by and in the image of our Lord.  We are not doing this for money (you'd have to have many, many kids and spend almost nothing on them to make money).  We are not doing this for status.  We are becoming a foster family because children and families need to be loved and this is what our Lord has for us to do.  This is our path to helping those in our community, and, as a result, helping our community itself.

Sometime, I'd love to share about the horrible history of foster care in America, and the beautiful picture of what it can be when people with a heart for the children and families come together to do this right.

Overwhelmed.

Grateful.

In Awe.

Blessed.

Nothing new to report.  Really.  Nothing.  It's been 12 days since our last class.  We're just waiting for our home study writer to call and set up a time for interviews and home inspections.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Then, when they call, I'm sure I'll be in a momentary panic trying to obtain a spotless house!

We are looking for another crib - a non-drop-side.  One that we had is not going to work, although, I'm thinking that the four side pieces may make a really neat garden trellis.  I'll see if someone can use them in a fabulous garden display.

Wow!  What a month it has been.  We not only made it through, but enjoyed, eight nights of class, three hours each.  In addition to the paperwork previously listed, there were five more packets of Q&A, several additional forms, state rules and regs to read word-for-word, and more.  We have one more class - a Friday evening / all day Saturday class.  We will also begin our family interviews and home study this month.  If all goes well, we will be licensed as a family foster care home by early or mid October.

There is so much to share from our wonderful classes, but it may need to sink in a while longer.  If you've been to a professional continuing education course or a retreat of some sort, you know the feeling - so many amazing things to share with everyone at home, but you somehow don't even know where to start.  It will come in pieces, I'm sure.

One of the beautiful things about the classes is that our own children were able to attend with us, and spend the hours with other children and great staff playing and building their own friendships.  They are now very at home in our agency's building and really enjoy being there.  In our state, there is privatization of foster care, meaning that the state contracts not just directly with individuals, but with private agencies, who then contract with the foster families.  The wonderful thing about this is that our agency also employs our home supervisors, and provides significant support to the foster families in the form of training, support groups, family activities, and more.  This makes for better families and better homes for the kids.  Our agency also has a factory that makes it's own currency and items which can be purchased with this currency.  The names, the store, and everything about it are wacky and fun.  Kids earn this currency when in the building for any activities, for helping out in a myriad of ways, or through incentive programs.  They can then purchase items at the store.  The original kids of foster families are also included, which is fabulous.  These children may or may not be as excited as their parents to welcome new children to their home, give up half of their room or closet, or deal with the anxiety of the unknown.  A little prize always increases the fun factor.

This weekend, we'll be preparing our home for the home study - a bit more cleaning and organizing (although I know it won't be completely done ... does anyone else's spice cabinet, refrigerator, or coat closet just explode into complete disorder on a regular basis?  Second law of thermodynamics, anyone?) Among other things, Hubby will be adding the infamous child safety locks to all kitchen and bath cabinetry, while I'll be working on making the grandparent guest bed *not* look like it's four feet off the ground after we added risers underneath in efforts to find more storage space. (Suggestions?) The goal is to be at least comfortable with where things are (figuratively and literally) by the end of the weekend.  I'll have to make a list of everything we did to prepare the home once we're done.  (I like lists.  Did you notice?)  Have  a fabulous Labor Day weekend, and don't forget to show thanks for the opportunity to labor for our families and for the kingdom.

Our first training session was last night and I am exhausted.  It was a great class, but I have this problem.  After evening meetings, my brain is just turned ON.  I cannot get to sleep, even if I feel tired.  I want to discuss; hash it over, share the great points and the frustrations (if any).  I'm sure this drives my husband nuts when I come home from a meeting and he's ready to fall asleep.  At least this time, he was with me, so I have less to report.  In the end, I was up until 3am.  I'm trying to tell myself it's preparation for nights with children who don't sleep the night (which we did for 7.5 years straight, but not often the last two years), however, the cold turkey version of no sleep has left me flat out exhausted.  I really hope I'll be able to sleep after training tomorrow, or I'm in trouble.  I'm also very bad at naps - just can't fall asleep in the day.  The one to two times yearly I can nap, it ends up being a four hour slumber - also not convenient.  Just realized I'm writing about what's convenient for me. Hmm, definitely need sleep to function well, but possibly not looking at this the right way?  A little selfish perhaps?  Got it, God.  Point taken.  I'll push through and respectfully request some great sleep for tonight.

The great news from last night is that the training was really good.  Tuesday is parenting training and Thursday is legal/paperwork/etc.  I'll share more about the parenting training after we get through more, but it's fabulous.  The instructor (who is the developer of the program we'll use and agency CEO), is able to so clearly explain the generalized parenting needs of children who are removed from their original families or experience difficulties.  He put some principles into succinct statements - things I've been trying to express for some time - and I'm so glad to have these.  I really enjoy and am motivated by looking at how kids learn and how fear, frustration, and other emotions aren't expressed by children the way that adults express these emotions (and too often expect kids to do the same).  I'm excited for more and excited to have a place where I don't have to explain that "traditional" parenting book principles just don't work or aren't appropriate for our kids.

We'll receive a "little" more paperwork each Tuesday and are to have as much of it back on Thursday as possible.  FBI background checks can take 3-5 months and this really holds up licensing.  In addition to a full, 3" binder and a 195 page book that will need to be read this month, here's yesterday's additions to the "To Do" list ...

Tuesday 07 August 2012

Online Courses

Monday morning (July 30, 2012), we hurried out the door to Office Max to make a copy of our paperwork packet before my mom's book study (Sally Clarkson's Mission of Motherhood - thanks Sally & thanks CW!).  I knew if we stayed on task we could make copies, drop off the paperwork at H&H and get to my friend's house with plenty of time to spare.  Well, I realized it's been a while since I took our son to make copies.  He needed to know how every little thing worked, the purpose of every button, why the various machines were not the same, and what the advantages were to different copy machine designs.  Been there?  Ever wanted to call for 'no questions', but simultaneously love an inquisitive mind?  Yep.  Answered the best I could (I'm not an office machine engineer) and was ready to leave.  At this point, our daughter, who had been diligently studying the advertising flier, points out a few things.  Backpacks for 1¢???  Must ... go ... look!  It was a Max Perks reward, so you had to spend the money up front and get all but 1¢ back as a gift card, but hey, 1¢, I'm in!  We'll use the gift card up for sure.  The kids' current backpacks are still in decent shape, but I love having different bags for different activities - one for dance, one for swimming, etc.  Saves this mama soooo much time and energy.  We can also pass along their "younger" backpacks to the little ones who come to our home.

Office supply store trip complete, we headed to H&H, dropped off the paperwork and up to my study.  Later in the day, we received an email from someone at the agency.  It stated she had received our paperwork, and asked "if" we are approved, could we begin classes next week? "If"?  Uh oh.  Those of you who know me realize that, at times, doubt creeps in.  I had truly never considered we might not be approved.  I know she had to say that, because, one really does need to be approved, but the little doubter voices kept creeping in.  Now, I'm a million times better at getting rid of self-doubt than I was 10 years ago; even five.  Still, I'm human.  One of the three directors was out of town and a second was leaving Wednesday (August 1), so they had to review our file prior to that.  Whew!  Only two days.

Wednesday afternoon, August 1 rolled around and no news.  I know what you're thinking (as was I) - how do you expect to do foster care if you can't wait without a known deadline?  True.  And I really do get that.  However, this was different (humor me). This was not reliant on the courts or a birth family.  With a director leaving on vacation, if it wasn't completed, we couldn't attend this months classes, and I just had to know.  We aren't able to do all the classes in September due to out of town medicals and participation in a research study, so that was going to put off our start until October.  Not what I wanted.  I was patient [insert applause].  Later that day, I did send an email to ask, given the director's vacation, when we would know about approval so that I could make arrangements for the next weeks' classes should we be asked to attend. (Take back applause if need be).  A few minutes later, I received an email with this ...

"Very happy to report that [name1] (our CEO) and [name2] (program director) have approved your application not only with no reservations, but with great anticipation for the skills and experience you will bring! We will start class on Tuesday the 7th ..."

Hooray!  We're approved!  The next step is twice a week class for four weeks, three hours each class.  This is part of our training both for state licensing and simply being educated.  To make the day even more exciting, our friends dropped off some infant/toddler gear for us.  A huge blessing!  Thanks CW & PW!!!  Now, to get some work done :-) .

Two more items on the paperwork agenda.  I'm hoping to have them done to deliver to H&H (agency) on Monday morning as they are near the home of my friend who hosts our Monday morning book study.  Tomorrow (Sunday) I work at the hospital, then we're going to church in the evening, so not much time there.  We need to define our assets - the part about how much are your household items worth always gets me.  It could seriously take months to figure that out if you really put alot of thought into it.  Wonder what I said on the last adoption paperwork?  Maybe I can find it, although that was five years ago.

The second item yet to be completed is the House Rules.  "According to state regulations all foster homes must have house rules available to share with children when they come into the home.  Please fill out a separate piece of paper with your family/household rules."  Good idea.  But, I must giggle when thinking about sharing house rules with 0-2 year olds!

This is where you all come in.  I really need some appropriate, but cute house rules.  Who has a good one?  Leave a comment or send me a message.  Can't wait to hear them!  We're canning pickles later this week.  Maybe the best entries should get a jar :-)

What is your new adventure?  Paperwork for what?  What did I miss?  Haha, I love when friends have happy surprises, and this week, we got to be the ones with the happy surprise!  It's fabulous!  It is now official, we have embarked upon our journey as a foster family.  Like many of the lifestyles we have taken on, this one has been brewing for years, then, suddenly, the time was right.  To get things started, I'm going to record a bit of a timeline here, so you can see whats been going on behind the scenes, and so that I don't forget!  It's pretty long, but I want to ponder it, even if no one else is interested in reading.  

Note: A.M. = anno mundi = year of the world.

~  4004 B.C. or 0 A.M.                              Creation (you know, 6 days and a rest; everything is made)                 
~  2348 B.C. or 1656 A.M.                         Flood (as in, the big one - Noah's deal)    
~  5 B.C. (+ or - a few) or 3999 A.M.           Christ is born on Earth
~  1960's & 70's A.D. or near 5969 A.M.      Dan & Alli born

-   2000 A.D. or ~6004 A.M. (ok you get the picture)     
                Dan & Alli meet in Ohio.  Life discussions eventually include children by birth and adoption, and maybe much 
                 later, foster care of infants.
-   2002     Dan & Alli marry

-   2003     Time for children.  Adoption takes a long time, so we might as well start on that right away.
                 October - December research, pray, decide International adoption in China
-   2004     February:  Application faxed to agency in Colorado.  
                 The next day, a little girl's photos and medicals are in our hands.  The Next Day!
-   2004     July:  Five months, to the day, of initial application, beautiful baby girl is in our arms.  FIVE MONTHS!

-   2005     Autumn:  Requested files of boys from the same orphanage as our girl.  
                 Agency says no guarantees, but they will ask.  Files not received.  Wait for next batch.
-   2006     January:   Browsing internet groups on adoption.  Here is one that lists files of waiting children.  Subscribe.
                 Next day, see files of three boys from JiangYin at an agency in Mass.  These are the files we requested.    
                 Called.  People already in line for files, but because we have a connection (daughter from the same orphanage), 
                 they will put us first in line.
-   2006     September:    Back in China.  This time, eight months, start to finish.

-   2007 / 2008      Job layoffs and having to sell a house in suburban Atlanta spring 2008 market crash.  
                            Moved across country.  There goes the savings!  Must get rid of some things to move, but I'm keeping 
                            the crib!  Just maybe, we'll be blessed with a child, and if not, I may want to foster.
-   2008 - 2011      Immense amounts of money for another China adoption are just not coming together.  Now what?
-   2012                Pregnant.   Heartbeat gone.   Devastated.   Waiting.   Labor.   April 20th.
-   2012                May: Is it time for domestic adoption?  Met a family who had a foster baby.  They ask us about adoption 
                            and if we are wanting more children.  It's only been a few weeks.  Can't talk about it.  Desperately 
                            praying.
                           May 23: Contact foster agency for information.  Open the newsletter and see the family photo of Alli's 
                            patient.  They just adopted the patient's bio sibling.  (The patient is still in foster care).  Whenever we 
                            have big changes, this is how it happens.  People or situations related to the change just 'appear' in 
                            front of us over and over.
-   2012                Agreed, it's time.  Thursday, July 19  Spoke with Foster Agency and set a time to meet next week.
                           Tuesday, July 24th Group burial with other families. Wounds are fresh. 
                            God, make something good of this.
                           Wednesday, July 25th  Amazing day at home for Alli and kids - best in months.  Great work day for Dan.
                           Thursday, July 26th  Things are new again.  Met with foster agency.  Questions answered.  More 
                            discussion.  It's a yes.  It's time.  Start getting ready, application in next week.  Classes in 12 days.

Reading of others' experiences has always been a help for me.  Decided immediately I needed to record the journey in a way that could involve others.  At least for now, this is the place, the method, the next step.